Safe, Sane, Cons-Ed-Sual
by BarthVader
Summary: He was lonely, she was bored. Both of them deal with aftermaths of their hormones kicking in. Somewhere between T and M rating-wise. Now a two-shot! [Slightly heavier on angst than what I usually do]
1. Safe, Sane, Cons-ed-sual

**Warning: the following story deals with questionable consent and/or second thoughts post-coitus, and contains a few blink-and-you'll-miss-it gory images that might disturb some folks. I tried to be tactful and not go overboard, but if anything, you have been warned.  
**

Grime.

Edd was standing under the shower, letting the lukewarm water flow down his naked body, scrubbing himself with a sponge.

Filth.

He had lost track of time. The boy realized his cleaning aid had no more soap on it, and reached for a bar, lying on a shelf next to him. Apparently, he had spent quite a while here, trying to clean the stains that would never go away.

He had _her _sweat on his body.

Uncleanliness.

It wasn't really a matter of him _agreeing _for anything. Or was it? He wasn't restrained in any way, her touch was surprisingly gentle. Perhaps that's why he didn't panic during the whole ordeal. He even remembered her outright asking if it's okay, and him muttering confirmation. And that's all he could recall, it's everything that stayed in his mind, with the coitus itself pushed out of his memory. Was he too terrified of the girl to deny?

Corruption.

As much as he hated to admit it, a small, depraved, _repulsive_ part of him enjoyed the intimacy of the moment. He started scrubbing himself harder. For all it's worth, it was incomparably better than sitting in the empty house, left alone whenever his friends Ed and Eddy had their own family lives. Definitely far from perfect, but at least existent.

Sleaze.

He wondered what happened to the girl. She had probably left by now. She got what she desired. It's not like she gives a _damn_ about what he feels, about his own emotions. She doesn't care about him pruning in this _fucking_ shower. She just wanted to satisfy herself, and nothing else, the selfish trollop. That…

He was snapped out of his trance when someone banged on the door repeatedly.

* * *

Marie was sitting on the boy's bed, dressed and twiddling her thumbs, waiting for Edd to get out of the shower.

She glanced at the alarm clock. It has been an hour and twenty three minutes since he left the room. She listened to a soft sound of flowing water in the shower. It was over an hour. Nobody spends an hour in the shower, even if they're as much of a neat freak as Oven Mitt.

Maybe he was ashamed, convinced that he was a crappy lover. Now, obviously he wasn't exactly a ten out of ten, but a solid six for sure. Inexperienced as fuck, pardon the pun, but certainly knew a thing or two about anatomy, and, compared to a few one-night stands she had had before, he knew he isn't just using a fleshlight. The entire time, he was asking her if he's doing well, if it feels good for her. He tried to _please_ her. And probably forgot to please himself. Why did he agree to screw her if he didn't want to?

He could be too scared to say no.

She clenched her teeth. He's a guy, they have thicker skin, her mother told her so. Her man-hating mother who spent most of her life in abusive relationships _Jesus Christ!_

She stood up, took a deep breath and marched out of the room, repeating to herself that Oven- _Double D _was fine. At the corridor, she took a turn and marched to the bathroom to check the situation. He was _obviously _fine. Her doubts were _unquestionably _dumb. She just wanted to tell him to hurry up and get out before getting all wrinkled.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, the bathroom door was locked from the inside. She rapped a 'shave and a haircut' rhythm on the door, and waited for a reply. After a few tense seconds, she hit the door three times with her fist.

Nothing. Silence.

A gory image flashed in her mind. A person lying in the shower, with vertical cuts on his arms, crimson liquid flowing down the drain. Another one, with a boy hanging on a belt from a sturdy hook. Yet another one, with a corpse lying on the floor, an empty bottle of painkillers clutched in his hand.

Marie took three steps back, and then charged at the door.

* * *

Edd looked towards the bathroom door through the opaque glass of the cabin. Whoever that was, they could go fornicate themselves for all it's worth. He needed some time alone.

Then, the door was broken open, causing the boy to recoil into the corner of the shower. After a second needed to snap out of shock, he identified the intruder as Marie. She walked to the cabin and peeked inside.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Y-yes, I think."

"He lied, curled in the corner of his shower cabin." she muttered, turning off the water. "Get outta here, you're about to turn into a raisin. You need something to dry yourself?"

After the boy nodded, the girl turned around, and spotted a dark blue towel, hanging from a labelled hook. She handed it to the boy, who started drying himself.

Damn, he's hot, she thought. In nothing but a shower cap, with driplets of water all over his body. So cute and vulnerable. Yeah, rub yourself with that towel.

"W-w-would you mind turning around?" the boy stammered, noticing the sleazy grin on her face.

"Oh-yes, yes, of course." she did so, silently chastising herself. This wasn't some sort of BL manga, this was a real, flesh-and-blood person she knows, had screwed, and who doesn't seem to be all right in the head.

At that point, Marie Kanker had finally begun to think about the consequences of her behavior.

"O-okay," Edd said, grabbing a gown from a hook next to the towel one and putting it on. "I am dressed, you can turn around"

"You were good, y'know?" she muttered, without turning to him.

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"'Kay, you were a virgin and it shows, but for all it's worth, you were okay." She went on, too anxious to tell that to the boy's face. "And you're loyal. Spineless, but loyal when shit hits the fan. And smart. Good Lord, I wish I knew half the things you know and had a quarter of your talents when it comes to building shit outta cardboard and duct tape… I guess what I'm sayin' is…"

She let out a long sigh and finally turned around, facing the boy. "…you're alright. For a guy."

Edd was stunned. He was reminded of one of those aliens from the movies Ed watches, screaming 'It's a trap!'. It was a Kanker, she had to have some hidden agenda. But on the other hand, hearing all those compliments from her... and she broke into the bathroom, because… she was concerned about his well-being. Wasn't she? It obviously didn't erase her past shenanigans, but…

He needed more time to think about it.

"I…" he started, "I appreciate those kind words, Marie. But, if you allow me, I need to spend some time alone…" He paused for a moment. "To… contemplate a few things…"

Marie's expression quickly changed to worried. "Y'know, I'd rather not leave ya alone right now." Noticing Edd's increasingly terrified expression, she raised her hands. "Nothin' dirty on my mind, I just wanna sit down… maybe watch a movie… and chat about… stuff…"

Against his self-preservation instinct, the boy decided to give in.

"Alright, fine." he sighed. "I do believe that I have some…"

He stopped, as the girl jumped to him and embraced him tightly.

His first instinct was to push her away. But he didn't. For some ungodly Stockholm-related reason he actually _enjoyed_ it. A moment later, he returned the gesture, trembling slightly, and counted to twenty to calm down.

The girl noticed that. "Y'know, I can let you go if you want."

After a second, the boy replied: "No. It's fine."

"You aren't angry at me, are you?"

"No, not at all. Just... confused a bit. That's all."

After a few seconds of silence, they let each other go.

"One more thing." Edd looked down, ashamed. "Could we please never speak again of what happened?"

The girl wanted to taunt him a bit, but decided shutting the hell up would be a much wiser decision. "Okay." She moved her thumb and index finger, closing an invisible zipper on her mouth.


	2. Risk-Aware

The end credits of the movie rolled.

Marie glanced aside at the boy next to her. For some reason instead of his usual T-shirt and shorts, he was wearing jeans and a buttoned up, long-sleeved shirt. His palms were slightly twitching, and he was twiddling his thumbs.

She sighed. The boy's head turned to her almost instantly, on reflex, expecting something to follow the exhale. He didn't want any more surprises that day.

The girl turned to him. "So, did you like the movie?" she asked, remembering that he chose the cassette at random.

"W-w-well…, I m-m-must a-admit…" he started, "…it was… somewhat…"

"Good, bad." she interrupted him. "Pick one."

The boy took a sharp breath. "Sometimes you cannot express your opinion in a simple yes-no manner." he blurted out, barely intelligible.

Marie frowned, realizing that an attempt at starting a conversation had failed. The boy was a mess, and it was her fault. She might as well drop any pretense of subtlety.

"How do you feel, Ov- Double D?" she stopped herself from using the faux-cute moniker of his at the last moment.

"M-me?" the boy poked his chest with his index and middle finger. "I a-assure you, I'm p-p-perfectly f-fine."

"And you're just doing a Porky Pig impression to cheer me up, right?" She frowned and looked down at her shoes, avoiding the boy's gaze. Not that he was particularly willing to stare her in the eyes right now.

The boy allowed himself to inch a little bit closer to the girl. He kept his distance though. "I-is everything f-fine, Marie?" He was concerned with _her _well-being. He found her mood swings more important than his own mental state.

"You didn't want that, did you?" she muttered. That worn-out quote about staring into the abyss and it staring back popped up in her mind.

"D-didn't want what?" the boy feigned ignorance.

"You know what." she growled. "Answer the question."

The boy took a deep breath. "As I said, s-s-sometimes you c-c-cannot just give a-"

"_I fucked you_, _Double D_!" she erupted. The boy recoiled away as she turned to him. "There's no in-between state, either you wanted that or you didn't!"

Cue a pause. The only thing breaking the silence was the girl's slightly deeper breaths, until Edd spoke up:

"…is-is something b-b-bothering you, Marie?"

"Wha- _Are you fucking kidding me?!_" she sprung up. "_Yes! _You're… you're just…" she threw her hands in the air, "Gah!"

Then, she marched out of the room. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, she just wanted to find some empty space, far away from Oven- Double D. Upstairs, left, left, turn around, right, enter, close the door, lock it.

She turned around and realized she had returned to Edd's room. The boy must've cleaned it when he had changed his clothes, as there was no trace of what happened there a few hours ago. The bed was as neat and cleaned as the rest of the room, and the used sheets were lying on the floor, folded, wrapped in a plastic bag, and labeled 'to wash or dispose of'.

She didn't notice that before, but there was something off-putting about the order of this place. The books put on the shelf in the alphabetical order, the solar system model firmly attached to the ceiling, the symmetrical layout of the boy's desk, minus the lamp at the left, and the omnipresent labels, as if Oven Mi- _Double-__Damn-__D_ felt he'd forget all the names of everything if he wasn't reminded at every moment.

She walked to the window. The weather was overcast, and she was able to see a faint reflection of herself in the glass. A girl with short hair dyed dark blue, in a shirt with sleeves torn off, with a tattoo on her left shoulder and a pack of smokes sticking out of the trousers' pocket. She stood out in this room like a sore thumb.

She moved out of sight – if someone would notice her here, this situation would get even worse – and sat down on the bed, then fell sideways on it and turned, so that she was staring at the ceiling. There was no label on it.

Someone rapped a 'shave and a haircut' rhythm. "M-Marie, are you there?"

"Piss off."

The knob rattled a bit. "Marie, your behavior c-concerns me."

The Kanker rolled off the sheets. "You wanna know what concerns _me_?" She strolled to the entrance. "That a guy I raped seems to care about my well-being more than he does about his own."

"W-well, t-t-technically, it wasn't r-rape." the boy replied. "You asked if I'm f-f-fine with that, and I c-confirmed."

"But why?" she burst out. "I don't get it, what happened back then? I just walked in and you just... gave up? Why?!"

She waited for a reply. That was something she should've done in the first place, ask him about how it looked from his perspective, and then decide what to do. Yes, that was a good plan.

The only flaw in it was that the boy suddenly became silent.

She unlocked the door and cracked it open, peeking outside. The hatted boy was sitting by the wall opposite her, curled up, staring at the floor.

"Um..." the girl found herself at loss of words. "Oven- Double D?"

"I..." he muttered, silently, "I don't know."

Marie knelt down to his eye level. "What's going on, Double D?"

Instead of replying, he sighed.

The Kanker wanted to say something to lift his spirits, but soon realized she can't come up with anything that would be appropriate in this certain situation. That goddamn single-track mind of hers. As much as she hated herself for that, she _still _found the boy's angst and suffering somewhat hot. It was like one of the books she nicked from her mother's shelf. There was two teenagers, a jock and a nerd, and the former did some steamy nasty things to the latter...

"You asked me why." Edd snapped her out of her trance. "Why did this... thing happen? And..." he paused, "I guess I could describe it in a single sentence."

She sat down on her heels, opposite him. "Which is?"

The boy sighed again. "A pathological desire for human companionship."

The girl needed a moment to process the long words. "Why? Ain't you and the other guys from the street besties now?" The last time she paid attention to the current events was during that mess with Eddy's brother happened, and that was literally _years_ ago.

"That... isn't exactly the case." He started. "When the emotions d-died down, it turned out we aren't exactly... trusted." He took a deep breath. "I do not blame them for being cautious, everybody knows what we've done, but..." A long, pregnant pause. "I feel lonely. Ed and Eddy aren't always around and I don't want to be overbearing. When you walked in and did... your usual thing, I thought to myself... 'Why not? It's better than solitude'..." He slowly inhaled and exhaled. "I'm sorry, Marie."

He looked up, only to notice Marie staring down at the floor, with her hands clasped, twiddling her thumbs, in a position not dissimilar to his own.

"M-m-marie?"

"I didn't come here to have sex with you." she said, quietly, without lifting her head.

The boy raised his eyebrow.

"Like, I wanted you to freak out, like always. 'Cause it's funny." she went on. "When you decided to roll along with it, I was like 'why not, I get dicked by Oven Mitt, best day ever'." She sighed. "Always about me, me, me, not thinking about what you feel. 'Cause you're a guy, so you're a douche, so I don't need to worry about you." She wiped a single tear. "And now, when I feel bad about the things I put you through,_" _she pointed at him,"_you _say sorry" she poked her chest "to _me. _This isn't normal._"_

Edd was unsure how to react. This past few hours seemed to indicate that the Kanker isn't as heartless and self-centered as he suspected, and now, she stated it out loud. This still could be an _incredibly_far-fetched plan of hers with some unspecified end goals, but at that point this scenario seemed too implausible.

"If this will bring you relief, I do not hold a grudge against you." The boy allowed himself to move next to the girl. "I can see the regret regarding your actions."

"Regret, schmegret." she muttered. "Will it give you your lost nerves and V-card back?"

"Sadly, no." He replied. "But it is a first step for you to improve yourself."

She turned to him. "You really think it'll be possible? For me to actually not be a grade-A white trash bitch?"

"Yes, most certainly." The boy replied, as confidently as he could. He had his doubt about that, but decided to refrain from stating them out loud right now. With much reluctance, he put his arm around her and placed his twitchy palm on her shoulder. In response, she leaned to the side and against him. He barely restrained himself from pushing her away.

"I'm sorry, Double D."

"Apology accepted."

And then someone opened the front door with a loud slam.


End file.
